Mens rules
MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.
LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT,
YOU'RE A BIG GIRL,
IF IT'S UP,
PUT IT DOWN.
WE NEED IT UP,
YOU NEED IT DOWN,
YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING
WHEN YOU LEAVE IT DOWN.
CRYING IS BLACKMAIL
ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT.
LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:
- SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
- STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
- OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOTWORK!
JUST SAY lT!
YES AND NO
ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS
TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION
COME TO US WITH PROBLEM
ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT.
THAT'S WHAT WE DO.
SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.
ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO
IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT.
IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME
NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.
IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT,
YOU PROBABLY ARE.
DON'T ASK US.
IF SOMETHING WE SAID
CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS
AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY,
WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE.
YOU CAN EITHER ASK US
TO DO SOMETHING
OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE.
NOT BOTH.
IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT,
JUST DO IT YOURSELF.
WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE
SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO
DURING COMMERCIALS.
CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID
NOT NEED DIRECTIONS
AND NEITHER DO WE …
ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLOURS,
LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS…
PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT,
NOT A COLOUR.
PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT.
WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.
IF ASK WHAT IS WRONG
AND YOU SAY 'NOTHING',
WE ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG.
WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING,
BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.
IF YOU ASK A QUESTION
YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO,
EXPECT AN ANSWER
YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR …
WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE,
ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE …
REALLY
DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT
UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED
TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS
AS FOOTBALL OR MOTOR SPORTS.
YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.
YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.
I AM IN SHAPE, ROUND IS A SHAPE!
THANK YOU FOR READING THIS,
YES, I KNOW, I'M SLEEPING ON THE COUCH TONIGHT ...
BUT DID YOU KNOW
MEN DON'T REALLY MIND THAT?
IT'S LIKE CAMPING ...
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